Whenever I tell people at parties that I work at a private school, the conversation always turns to the “helicopter parent”. You know the term: the parents that are controlling, the parents that won’t allow their children to take responsibility for their actions or solve problems independently or let them grow up. They are the parents in this hilarious Portlandia clip.
Somewhere along the way these parents forget that their goal is to raise adults, not perpetual children. These parents are not exclusive to private schools and frankly we all have the urge to hover over our children at times. It can be scary and painful out in the world!
Even though I am an experienced educator, I can also struggle about my decision to step in or not when my children are unhappy. How much should I help with homework? How much should I intervene with the sports league? How involved should I get with friendship drama? After all- I have more experience and power than my children – I could “fix” these dilemmas pretty easily…right? Of course, then my children would never have the chance to act and feel efficacy or, better yet, act and learn from a mistake.
My advice is to ask your children if this is something they need you to step in on. Chances are they will want you to keep the helicopter on the pad. Once that is out of the way, parents and children can begin the conversation about what they think they should do about a situation and reflect on the outcome together later.
To learn more about this approach, often called lighthouse parenting, you can read Raising Kids to Thrive by Kenneth Ginsburg. It really helped me trust my children and face my own parenting fears.